songs of horror

with the upcoming world cup soccer tournament, i thought it might be time to introduce some of more the embarrassing components of this kind of global competition, seen from a european view point.

i’m talking about the world cup fight song.

almost all of the countries in the world cup competition offer a fight song for their football – and almost all of the songs include members from the world cup team.

normally, some nationally known musician, who is already on the downward slide towards anonymity, is hired for the song, who then records it with the whole team.

sometimes, a famous face is given the task. for example, new order recorded a fight song for the english team.

the results are often shameful.

here’s the very latest from the danish team, just released.

but if you want really, really bad, then here’s one from germany, featuring none other than the village people joined by the extravagantly mulletted german players from the 1994 team.

here’s another one from england (their songs are so awful).

at least, the swedes had a song that sounds more like an old-school college fight song.

(but then again, don’t look at this.)

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as if that was not bad enough, we also have the horror show that is known as the eurovision song contest, aka the melodi grand prix.

imagine the olympics of awful pop music and kitsch. imagine the superbowl of wretched songwriting, terrible choreography, and atrocious costumes.

imagine every european country sending their “best” shot to the competition, hoping for a moment of glory. it happens every year. the finals are tomorrow night in oslo. it will broadcast throughout europe. most bars in copenhagen will be filled with people screaming at the television, turning away in disgust, peering through closed hands that cover their faces, still hoping that their team will win.

abba, celine dion, katrina and the waves, among others, all got their first taste of fame in this competition. but most years, the competition is dominated by freaks who would be hard-pressed to land a sideline gig in reno, nevada.

it’s awe-inspiring and gruesome all at once. the winner is the performer who gets the most votes from all of europe, but you are not allowed to vote for your own country. yes, it’s audience participation at its finest. votes are sent it via sms. …and a country can hire a ringer/singer from another country to represent them. it happens a lot.

more info here.

here are my nominations for best examples of awful acts:

from finland, dressed in head to toe monster costumes, there’s “hard-rock hallelujah.”

and for the most glorious example in european club trash music, i give you afro-dite.

and finally, from russia, “lady alpine blue.”

oh, and one more, another one from sweden, this year’s act, via the BBC, who is also broadcasting it live tomorrow night. this is one of the songs in tomorrow’s competition.

at least france is sending a song that is semi-respectable.

as a last thought, when you watch the competition, keep in mind that there are several rounds. that means that the winning song is heard at least 10 times over the course of the same evening. imagine that.

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